See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Feel No Evil

Wow, that poem is really good! My comments are in dark purple I'm not an extreme poet or anything I just want to help

Beware of the darkness, they constantly say;
Filter emotion, and fling it away.
A doctrine of silence, a blindfold of peace,
They block out the world, denying release. #400040 ">Denying release of what?
Encircled by walls that they've built round their mind,
Seeing no evil has rendered them blind;
Imprisoned in happiness, living a lie,
They hide in their safety, and will 'til they die.

But still I am drawn like a moth to the flame,#400040 ">The punctuation in these lines are a bit funny. I don't know if you intentionally left out periods? It just seems a little off to me.
Like a ghost to the shadows from whence it came,
Like tears of the heavens that fall to the earth, #400040 ">I love this!
The infinite cycle of death and rebirth
That turns in my mind and burns in my heart,
Coming together and falling apart;
I live in the darkness but live for the light #400040 ">I like this line, but the repetition of "live" feels off, If you know what I mean?
Absorbing the sunshine, embracing the night. #400040 ">I LOVE this line!

Simply amazing. I've never heard it put like THAT before (: you have an amazing gift, embrace it.

-Soggy

Wow. This is really deep. I love your use of figurative language and i could feel you in your writing. Very personal/

This is so wonderful! I couldn't find anything wrong with the grammar, punctuation, etc. This was amazing; Keep up the good work!

This is so wonderful! I couldn't find anything wrong with the grammar, punctuation, etc. This was amazing; Keep up the good work!

Wowsers! This is a truly gripping poem, I'll be honest here and say that usually skim over poems but this one I had to digest properly. The imagery was fantastic and I can't think of a single thing that would make it better.

Keep filling YWS with this beauty,

~Crim

*is number 18*

Hey, WP
Pink here!

So, I think is a wonderful, gripping, amazing poem. Your imagery, your rhyming and everything was great and I really don't have anything that I could possibly mention to make this better. Then again, I mean, I'm not much of poet >,<
*likes*

~shear

This was AMAZING
its been awhile since I've read such a deep, rhythmic poem such as this. It really astounds me.
AWESOME JOB!

Wow, that is all I have to say about this. Wow! This is a wonderful poem! wish I could say more, but I am stumpled! This is by far one of the best poems I have read on here! I like the theme and the your words most.

Love it, *likes*, I'm like number 16! Congrats!!!

~Rain~

This was wonderful. The flow, the rhyme and the depth was all there. I don't really know what else to say. Great Job.

This is really true. People who ignore the bad shit that happens in the world, ignore half of the world itself. To truly appreciate the light we have to accept the dark.

Hey Warrior Princess!

I'm RepublicOfCoter (R.O.C.) and I will be reviewing you dramatic poem today!

I thought it was excellent. Simple amazing! I loved how you kept the length consistent to keep the flow of the rhyming which was wonderfully done! These also contributed to how well the poem flowed. It was quite sophisticated for a person of your age. I encourage you to continue writing pieces like these. The only thing I had an issue with was the title - it sounds very cliche. Whether it is used in a poem or not, it is quite heavily used which takes away a bit of the feel of the poem. Other than that, fantastic job!


MWAHAHAHA!
-R.O.C.

Hey, Steph, here as requested. I wanna start by saying that I adore this piece, but I am going to try to be of help.

Warrior Princess wrote:Beware of the darkness, they constantly say;
Filter emotion, and fling it away.
A doctrine of silence, a blindfold of peace,
They block out the world, denying release. The last part of the line kind of confuses me. It doesn't really have anything to do with what you said before.
Encircled by walls that they've built round their mind, When you said round instead of around it kind of threw me off. it's not nessecary to fix it, but I don't know for some reason it bothers me. Generally I don't know how it would sound better, I am just ocd...
Seeing no evil has rendered them blind;
Imprisoned in happiness, living a lie,
They hide in their safety, and will 'til they die. I love these few lines.

But still I am drawn like a moth to the flame, The only comment I have on these few lines is you drop punctuation. Before you had it set up nice, but it seems more rushed without it. I don't know if you were going for that, but if not it need be fixed.
Like a ghost to the shadows from whence it came,
Like tears of the heavens that fall to the earth,
The infinite cycle of death and rebirth
That turns in my mind and burns in my heart,
Coming together and falling apart;
I live in the darkness but live for the light,
Absorbing the sunshine, embracing the night.

Hey, Steph, here as requested. I wanna start by saying that I adore this piece, but I am going to try to be of help.

Warrior Princess wrote:Beware of the darkness, they constantly say;
Filter emotion, and fling it away.
A doctrine of silence, a blindfold of peace,
They block out the world, denying release. The last part of the line kind of confuses me. It doesn't really have anything to do with what you said before.
Encircled by walls that they've built round their mind, When you said round instead of around it kind of threw me off. it's not nessecary to fix it, but I don't know for some reason it bothers me. Generally I don't know how it would sound better, I am just ocd...
Seeing no evil has rendered them blind;
Imprisoned in happiness, living a lie,
They hide in their safety, and will 'til they die. I love these few lines.

But still I am drawn like a moth to the flame, The only comment I have on these few lines is you drop punctuation. Before you had it set up nice, but it seems more rushed without it. I don't know if you were going for that, but if not it need be fixed.
Like a ghost to the shadows from whence it came,
Like tears of the heavens that fall to the earth,
The infinite cycle of death and rebirth
That turns in my mind and burns in my heart,
Coming together and falling apart;
I live in the darkness but live for the light,
Absorbing the sunshine, embracing the night.

Wow... that was truly amazing! I love this so much. I can't review this because it's so amazing. This is the most amazng piece on Young Writer's Society that I've rea. Keep writing.

Hi! Im kaka and I'm goin to review or critque your work today.
Your poem was so immense! The title caught my eye and immediatly drew me in. That is a great start.
One thing I always point out to writers is that the title is something not that you just choose randomly and hope it goes okay. A title is always one of the most important things. When you go into a bookstore,the books that catch your attention are those with a good catchy or mysterious title. I would have to add yours really topped the list.
It was imformative of what I was goin to read yet mysyterious-almost unwilling to give me any more information that it had to?!
Nice!

Now on to the actual poem!!
I really enjoyed reading through it. It's the kind of poem that puts shivers down your spine. It also had a reality built in. So many people today like to push out their problems and crisis's and wrap themselves in a blanket of happiness. I liked that about your poem. It was like it was telling a story yet pointing out a reality. Again-Nice!

Your words were fluant and easy to understand,they all held meaning and sat perfectly on the page. The layout was inviting and simple to read.
You had no grammatical errors which is always a sign of a good, I think about my work kind-of-person.

Overall I found nothing to be critical about and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. I'd love to read more of your work.
Please pm and let me know if I can review anything for you.
Love and luck,
Kaka x x

Haha, this was five types of awesome! Loved the flow, the rhyming was awesome, and the idea was stellar. So, basically, awesome work! If you want to make this poem even more awesome (it's really good as it is!) I would introduce sound into the mix... right now, you have "hear no evil" part of the title, but there really isn't any reference to sound. Just an idea.

Also? The word 'til should be till. Because till is a real word.

Awesome stuff!

EPIC! I must say, this was one of the best poem i've ever read.. Am a bit jelouse... would have wanted to write it myself. So... well, I don't have anything bad or helpful to say... Just. LOVED IT, and keep writing 'cause you're apparently really good! <3

I love it! Really I can't think of anything much that could make it sound better! At first I was a little confused but nearing the second verse I caught on to what you were saying. Keep writing poems like these!

Wow, thanks everyone! I'm glad you liked it, thanks for making it a featured work!

I really liked that poem. You did a really good job. Keep writing

DisturbedDisorder wrote:Wow, I don't have much to say. I hate to write an unhelpful response, but there isn't much bad to be said. I loved it. :]

Kwantack wrote:I'm quite speechless. It's very well-written, and sounds like you put a lot of thought into this (which is something I should learn to do with my writing).

Very powerful poem-love it! The rhyming is exceptional

DisturbedDisorder wrote:Wow, I don't have much to say. I hate to write an unhelpful response, but there isn't much bad to be said. I loved it. :]

This is really an excellent poem . Like the other reviews, there is nothing much to say. The message is clear and the rhyming is epic xD. If I am to nitpick, I will have only one:

They hide in their safety, and will till they die.

I'm quite speechless. It's very well-written, and sounds like you put a lot of thought into this (which is something I should learn to do with my writing). And, this is a bit of subject, but I also love your signature!

Wow, I don't have much to say. I hate to write an unhelpful response, but there isn't much bad to be said. I loved it. :]